Betrayed by myself


And there was I

Doing what I always ask others NOT TO DO, doing what I didn’t expect, what I didn’t wanted – doing NOTHING, being not myself.

Holding mis feelings backs, feeling my heart breaking and stood still
Waiting for the moment to go by, waiting for tic of the clock, waiting for another hour to pass, for the time to go by, for the night to done, and the next day to end

Just seeing, being witness of how my life was being wasted… IN FRONT OF HIM.

Like if I was being forced and trying to complete tasks or levels of nothing… of low dignity, of how much more I was willing to accept

Nothing was worth it anymore and I was still there. 

No, I didn’t deserved that… not then, not now, not ever.

I think that unconsciously I wanted to give it a try, to spend my last drop of energy, of love, of patience in waiting… waiting for something to happen. The truth is… I was just playing fool with myself, trying to cheat my mind and my feelings telling them something good could happen. But I knew there was nothing, and I was waiting for nothing; perhaps in another level of my tricky and unconscious mind, pity al least was expected. But that was the last thing I actually wanted…